So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I see more hoeing in ur future
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