You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
