I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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