I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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