chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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