Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
