I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm both gender and math confused
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
