before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize