I just threw up on my dentist
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
