i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize