so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
