I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
