I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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