im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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