Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
