So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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