Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
