Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
