she takes plan B like it's going out of style
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
