ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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