We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
