my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I'm really busy with my period
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
