Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
