don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
