I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
