She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
