I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
