everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
