How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i need some magic done to my vagina
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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