you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
