His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
