i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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