dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize