rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
