Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
