I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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