Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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