woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
