Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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