Is it normal to miss your booty call?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
