Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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