I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
