I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize