Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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