my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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