Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
