I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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