Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
