Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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