Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
