420 ftw
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
