If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
