I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
