just come out here and I will go home with you...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
