I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
