That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
