I wish I could teleport
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize