I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
