My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize