plz talk dirty to me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
