I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
