had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
