Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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