dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
