next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
