I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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