he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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