im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
