i just had sex bonerless
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
