Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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