Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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