So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
