I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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