Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
